Alone
by Kesiah
Summary: Royu reflects on being alone. See what happens when I get depressed?


Alone

  
  


Heh... I had this idea, cause I've been a bit depressed lately, as I tend to be when I excitedly check emails for review notices or letters from friends, and find it empty. It made me feel so lonely, I needed to put those feelings somewhere, so I wrote this.   
  


It was really draining. I don't think I've put so much of my own emotions into a fic yet.

  
  


DISCLAIMER: I forgot this originally... HAH! No one sued me! You missed out!! *gets letter from Japanese lawyers* ....Drat!   
  


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All my life, I've been alone.   
  


Crying alone in the corner of my bedroom, seeking comfort were there is none to be found.   
  


Clutching at a pillow, wanting to feel warm and safe in arms of one who loves me.   
  


Alone, even in my mind. Wishing for a companion.   
  


Instead I have him....   
  


Bakura.

  
  


The jeers.   
  


The yells.   
  


The pain.   
  


My sobs.

  
  


Help me! Why can't anyone take me away?!   
  


Please? I'll do anything....   
  


Anything....

  
  


I could not escape. I can NEVER escape!   
  


Father! Why can't you see?!   
  


You act as if nothing has changed!   
  


Can't you see my pain? Can't you hear me crying at night?

  
  


.....alone.....

  
  


I will always be alone. I have no one. No one to comfort me. No one to care for me.   
  


No laughter,   
  


No smiles,   
  


No warmth; loving; being; holding; protecting.   
  


No one.

  
  


All I want is a friend, but that will never happen. Yugi, the others, they don't understand, they don't SEE.   
  


My pain; tears; wounded soul.   
  


They can't understand. They have never been as alone as I am.   
  


When half of your self, your very soul, hates you; despises you.   
  


Crying in the corner of my soul room, while he laughs at my pain; mocks my sorrow; revels in my suffering.   
  


And no one can see....

  
  


Invisible. Like the tears no one sees me cry. The soundless screams.   
  


My pain is invisible. No one sees it. It makes me invisible. I walk around, pretending. Smiling at supposed friends.   
  


But inside I am screaming.   
  


But they don't hear. They don't see.

  
  


WHY DON'T YOU SEE?!

  
  


Please, won't somebody see me?   
  


Hold me?   
  


Be with me?

  
  


Part of me wonders, if I were to die, could they see me then? Would they know what I had been feeling?   
  


Locked; trapped; imprisoned within the depths of myself?   
  


Or would they pass over the crumpled; broken; abused; empty shell, go on in their life, forget the ruined boy they once knew?   
  


I wish I knew.   
  


But I can't. I'm trapped.

  
  


This is my prison.

  
  


The cold emptiness of my soulroom. Bitter cold; freezing; numbing; painful cold, empty like space. A vacuum that sucks all joy, hope and warmth from me. Leaving me cold, empty and alone. So very alone.   
  


And he comes. Laughing at me; so small; so weak; so very very alone.   
  


He's always laughing at me.   
  


I want him to go, to leave me with my silent screams, and the mind-numbing emptiness around me.

  
  


But if he leaves, I'll be even more alone...

  
  


Pathetic; weak; insignificant. I am all these things, and more. So much more.   
  


Afraid; terrified of the emptiness; rather the pain and suffering he brings, then the emptiness when he leaves.   
  


An emptiness that tries to draw me in. That pulls my soul, shattering it to the very depths of my being.

  
  


He looks at me; uncertain; confused; nervous of how I want him to stay.   
  


Don't leave me....   
  


Don't ever leave me.   
  


He doesn't understand. 

  
  


Or does he?

  
  


Does the emptiness pull at you too, Yami?   
  


Does it claw at your mind? Feed on your soul? Drown your screams with it's cold, cold silence?   
  


Is that why you spend so much time hurting me?

  
  


Arms, wrapped around your waist, head buried into your stomach, breathing your scent.   
  


Wanting; needing; clinging   
  


Touching, yet unable to touch.

  
  


So close, so far.

  
  


....so alone....

  
  



End file.
